What are dis?

Guys. Help. 

This is seriously my life right now. Work, work out, barn, sleep, every day. Weekends, work, sleep, workout barn. Dying. I'm dying. 

Before I get into the fucking sexual awesomeness that is this post, I want to talk about boys. So for those of you who don't know, I dated the same guy for the past 2.5 years and we broke up in April. LONG HAIR DONT CARE, because he's a douche, but being single sucks. 

I've been texting this guy, we will call him muscle stud.

 Muscle Stud acts all flirty over text message and basically texts me every day but WONT SAY HE LIKES ME. So basically I'm just annoyed at him all the time but also intrigued. Life is hard guys. So hard. I'm not that exciting, so that's all on the boring guy front right now. (Sorry Sally and Monica who hear about this all the time, love you guys)

So we (Sally and I) put Isis back in her mullen happy mouth bit, and she wasn't too terrible. By wasn't too terrible I mean she wasn't being a total fucking bitch about it. I had Sally come out to watch me ride Isis in it so she could see what I meant. Basically, Isis goes around for like half a lap in the bit, then freaks the fuck out. 

I'm over exaggerating. She basically just is like 'OMG A BIT' and shoves her nose out and up and giraffe trots around until she relaxes again. I talked to the trainer at the barn and she suggested trying a german martingale. For those of you who haven't seen one, it kinda works like draw reins except the horse decides where their face is, not the riders hands. So I can basically ride around with light contact and she could either fight the martingale to shove her nose out or she could chill and get round. It basically resulted in Isis rushing through everything.

She just gets like she feels claustrophobic and races past your hands and leg. Then she gets unbalanced because she's fat and then she tosses her head and crow hops. WHAT IS LIFE. 

LOOK, I RODE MY HORSE.  (Don't mind me sucking)

(trying to be light contact, so maybe she would accept the happy mouth) 

I know, I'm all arms and legs haha. 

A couple weeks ago, I went with Sally to her other lesson barn to watch her lesson with her other trainer. The barn, is fucking bamf. I wanted to live in it. Plus the trainer was saying great things about Isis and I felt so awesome because I was like, yeah, I trained her. 

Sally's ride went super well and we decided to stop at the tack shop before she rode Isis. I have been meaning to buy and try a waterford for forever, because I read all the great things for horses with low palettes online. Sally, being the fantastic money influence she is, is like, buy that, let's try it. So I did. 

What happened to all my money guys? Oh yeah...

It was magic. 

Isis was calm, steady in the contact and super light for Sally. We did some ground pole exercises for adjustability and Isis was her usual badass self and totally saved Sally's butt a few times and Sally totally saved Isis a few times, then they got it perfect. I love them. LOOOOVVEEEE. 

When I went out and hacked miss mare in the Waterford she was just as good as before. She still had some random moments of head tossing but was mostly fabulous. LOOK GUYS I JUMPED HER. 

(my leg doesn't totally suck after months off)

ASS ASS ASS ASS

So besides being mostly good Isis was doing this annoying refusing to move thing. She didn't do this before her lease with Emma, like she did a little but she wouldn't just straight up stop and be like FUCK YOU BITCH.

Kelly texted me on Monday of this week and told me the vet was coming out for floats and shots, Isis was just floated in March but I decided to be safe. 

Good thing I was because apparently she had some ramps in front and a FUCKING FANG TOOTH SHOVING INTO HER UPPER GUMS. No wonder she was so unhappy with the bit. So Sally rode her and she was FAB in both her hacks and lesson. 

One of the amazing things about Sally (besides shes a boss rider and loves Isis) is she has a spending addiction like me. She also gets some stuff to review for EN! 

Sally bought a Tolkat Saddle Pad (LOVE) and got a Total Saddle Fit half pad to try ( ALSO LOVE). So miss mare's back is feeling good. (Except when my fat ass is on it)

Thursday, I had a lesson. OMG FIRST LESSON IN FOREVER. And you know what, we didn't suck too bad. We focused a lot on getting Isis to want to hold herself correctly and for me to just be a wall basically. Just not move, not punish and offer support for the wondermare. Kelly made us wait for basically chip distances over all the jumps and made me constantly sit the canter and I literally have ass bruises because I'm so not used to riding right now. 

The worst part of the lesson was honestly some of the girls. She had me ride with her younger lesson because that's who was out there (mostly great riders, jumping 3foot). But seriously, sometimes I hate young riders who don't actually know anything. 

I got to watch the annoying one basically kill herself because she couldn't get her horse to canter straight over this 2'3 vertical. 

Then she's like, do you ever like think about not Eventing? It just seems like a lot of work! I was like, uhhhh. 

(Cookies please!)

Today (Friday) I took Isis into the field to see if I could get a bigger stride out of her. And I did. 

She ate up the field! She was so steady and calm. She had never been in the field before and I went out there completely alone (because I make good choices). We jumped some little tiny cross rails that were out there and she completely ate them up. She was rateable and super consistent. She was FAB. 

Literally before we rode. She was thrilled. 

COOOKKIIIEEESSSS. 

Other than that, I love Kelly, but she knows nothing about eventing. Kelly will say something about eventing and Sally and I are like...

Funny story, she decided to not go to an event this weekend (horse has an eye ulcer) and she's like, no big deal I'll just get my entry fee back. 

LOLOLOLOLOL GOOD LUCK

Then she was talking about cross country schooling and was like, I just tell the girls to go for the long spot every time.

She wants my help with XC schooling on Sunday so hopefully I can educate some people. 

The horse life is going well, everything else is a disaster. The following accurately describes my life. 

later bloggers. 

Wordless Wednesday.

What the actual is my life.

I am seriously the worst at blogging. Since Isis came back it's kind of been a whirl wind of random shit that I've had to deal with for two weeks. Let me explain.

So, as you all know, Miss Isis was sent back early. I got a text from Emma saying that Isis was lame, on Monday, when she was coming back Tuesday morning.

Of course I go into freaking panic mode. My whole plan was to get Marebutt back into shape so she could be used in lessons or half leased or something and I'M SORRY BUT THAT DOESNT WORK WITH A LAME HORSE. I can't even. I will never send my horse away on a full lease again, not that Emma did anything wrong I just can't handle this. So I was in the process of getting a barn for Isis, working out money and applying for my masters AND working full time. 

Basically dying over here. Since it was almost October I just went into stress mode and ate everything in sight. Kind of, I've been working out, so it's almost okay. OKAY?!

Kelly (the new trainer) calls me on Tuesday because she can't find the barn and NONE OF THE CONTACTS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE WILL ANSWER THEIR PHONES. So i'm at work, at a media event, trying to get my horse back into town and simultaneously trying not to lose my fucking shit. Luckily, because Kelly is the shit, she finds the barn and gets Miss Mare home in one piece. 

Cue three hours later. I skip the gym to get out to the barn to see Miss Mare. Trailer pulls up, I'm squeeing with excitement. Kelly easily unloads miss princess face and tells me how perfect she was to load and blah blah. I KNOW MY HORSE IS PERF. So off the trailer comes a complete fat lard, zero topline, three legged lame horse. 

I proceed to let miss mare relax for an hour or two and nom on some hay while I organize my mounds of stuff. Did I mention I'm the only eventer at this barn. THEY ALL THINK I'M CRAZY. JOKES ON THEM I AM CRAZY. 

Cue two hours later. I get miss mare out and start lunging her. Dead. Fucking. Lame.

Cue insanity here. 

I try to lunge her for a bit longer, hoping maybe she is stiff since she hadn't been ridden in a week or so. Nope. Still lame. In fact potentially getting lamer. When I say lame I mean LITERALLY TRYING NOT TO EVEN TOUCH HER BACK RIGHT HOOF TO THE GROUND LOOKING LIKE A FUCKING WEIRD ASS BIRD HEAD BOBBING KILLING HER MOM LAME. Cue dying.

I had Kelly come out and watch and we deemed it a possible abscess. So the farrier was coming out the next day so we would have him test her. Of course she didn't fail and he found no issue. 

Surprise farrier, I went out to the barn after work the next day and it was an abscess and it busted. So I packed and wrapped like the good mom I am. I tried soaking it in epsom and I'm just gonna say that Isis did not appreciate me trying to do that and tried to commit horse suicide. 

About a week later I finally get on Isis and she is a hot fucking mess. She has no balance, no manners, and no muscle. Poor fat mare. Of course everyone and their moms are watching and trying to tell me advice and shit and I just glared at everyone like...

So I slapped the hackamore back on her and she was a dream. Super light and easy. Since I'm riding without stirrups I get winded in like four seconds because I'm fat. 

One week after having her back and her being sound I posted two ads on facebook for a half lease and GOT MESSAGED ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY. I almost died. Not to mention she was actually cool about it. And knowledgable. WHAT SHES LIKE A UNICORN.

So everyone get used to hearing me talking about Sally. She came out and rode the Wondermare and fell in love. Miss Isis jumped like a dream even though she was fat and totally rose to Sally riding her and asking for miss fat mare to werk. 

sexy. 

sit dat trot sally. 

Bending omg.

beep boop.

look at me trottttt.

dat tail action.

Basically it's a dream come true. Sally is a boss ass betch and she fucking rocks. She's also hella cool and an amazing rider. I'm so excite. 

On a side note, I'm seriously sick of people asking if I named my horse after a fucking terrorist group.

But really. I didn't. Google Egyptian Goddess Isis. Her name means throne betches.

Until next time bloggers, this is me just trying to survive through life with a full time job and a horse. 

Sally might come out for my hack tomorrow so I might have some pictures of me actually on a horse. SHOCKER. 

love ya'll.

Things like this always happen to me...

To start off my story on my big news that isn't really that big I shall set the picture.
I was in the grocery store with my dad, buying liquor because that is what my family does. We were having a party that weekend and we were picking up last minute necessities (alcohol) and my phone buzzes.
It's a facebook message from Emma, I quickly swipe it open expecting it to be about Isis doing something spectacular (because seriously, she's the best) and much to my dismay it is Emma giving 30 days notice on our lease. She just started vet school and it is taking up TONS of her time. Her horse, Izzy, is also going to be coming back into work next month and Emma had come to the conclusion that she doesn't have time for both horses. It was incredibly smart of her and I do appreciate her not letting my wondermare just rot in a pasture until December.

So needless to say I started freaking out. I have no money. I just got my first paycheck two weeks ago and it's all gone. Isis needs about 600 new things (bell boots, bits, her bridle broke, blah blah) and I did not have any time to save any money. The original plan was to save 500 bucks a month in my horse account so when miss mare came back I had some money to fall back on in case I found out I couldn't afford her. NOPE.

I immediately contacted the barn I was planning on moving Isis to, hoping they still had spots. LUCKILY she still had a few stalls left and was willing to work with me on working off lessons.  I basically bragged about myself for twenty minutes and it paid off. 

She pays super well and even told me she needed someone to ride the horses at shows and ride some clients horses and based on the videos she saw of me she thinks I will be perfect. She also thinks miss mare will be great with her more advanced students because she doesn't have any really competitive upper level horses! So it all might work out in the end.

We can only hope things will turn out okay, I just really don't want to have to sell miss mare and I would really prefer not to half lease her when I have her because I'm super particular about how she is ridden and I want her ON POINT. 

I bought about 400 bucks worth of shit I needed for mare and now I'm panicking again about money. I shall be starting my masters (if everything works out okay) come January, so I can defer my student loans again which saves me 250 a month. My dad tried to convince me to keep paying them and I was all NO DAD HORSES.

Besides the horse situation work is going well. My days are complete trade offs between feeling like the smartest bitch in the world and feeling so dumb I can't even function. 

Monday through Wednesday...

Thursday and Friday...

So that's about it for now. Miss mare is coming back at the end of the month or early part of next month. I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED. I missed her so much. I hope it all works out and I can afford her and shiiiitttttt. For the sake of horses I added some pictures from Isis' first cross country schooling. Forgive my position, I was in a size 16 saddle with short flaps and I CAN'T EVEN.

Lazy mare doesn't give A FUCK. 

She's the cutest, I love her so much.

I shall keep y'all posted, I'll blog about the new things I got next time (when they get here) and more about our new barn! 

Toodles.